This page is devoted to fake news stories submitted by students after participating in the Fake News Creative Writing workshop with me online.
Dog Blows Up in Park
Yesterday afternoon a dozen random citizens experienced an explosive walk in the park. Literally.
At about 2:30 pm, Alfredo Flentic and his spouse Ceaserata Rocklin took their beloved dog Nugget for a walk in Glacster park. Nugget had been strolling up to a large tree when his leg burst into flame!
“As quick as a strike of lighting, our sweet Nugget was covered in a flames!” said the two owners.
Nugget was jumping all over but the harsh flame never went out. Then suddenly all the locals in the park heard a surprising popping sound. We all saw the dog running around but then we heard that sound and suddenly, BLECHEW!
“The dog blew up and its bones and flesh flew into our faces!” said Hanky Liver, a father of two kids that were at the park that day.
This odd incident is now being investigated by the local police and they have already found traces of TNT in the bones. The police are scheduled to give another report in the press conference next Tuesday.
Fake news reporter, Nick S., Grade 7, Tyee Elementary School, Vancouver
Child Gets Stuck in a Candy Machine
On Tuesday morning, at the intersection of Commercial and Dundas, Jonny Cook, age five, was trapped inside a candy machine. Witnesses said that the boy was grabbing the candy bar when it got stuck, and he fell inside. First Responders acted quickly, right after Jonny’s mother called them. Jonny was trapped in there for about forty-five minutes eating all the candy bars he could until he got out.
Fake news reporter, Jordon L., grade 5, Tyee Elementary, Vancouver
Teachers Become Zombies at a Local Elementary School
At Brightside Elementary, on the corner of Third and Oak, teachers were given an unmarked box of donuts. Witnesses say that the baked goods were delivered directly to the staff room to no one in particular. Since no one’s name was on the box, the teachers divided up the donuts and stuffed their bellies.
Students say that it was only around one o’clock (directly after the teachers’ lunch break) that they noticed their teachers acting “off” and “different than usual”. And by two o’clock, they knew why.
Every teacher at Brightside Elementary had collapsed, and stopped breathing. But, by the time ambulances and other first responders arrived, the teachers were back up on their feet as if nothing had happened.
The medical officers left the scene and had returned to the hospital by two forty five. “The teachers then called all students to the auditorium for a so-called last minute assembly,” sixth grader, Luke Davis explains. “We were then surrounded from all sides by drooling teachers. They grabbed students and tried to break open their skulls like they were eggs, and eat the brains inside”.
Older students fought back the teachers and called 911. Yet the police had heard about the incident earlier that afternoon, and anonymous officers admitted that they came with no sense of urgency or rush. However, police sergeant Amata Smith says, “when we finally got to the scene, we were pulled back to reality”.
The police officers called several more forces for back up, such as: SWAT teams, and several government agencies whose names remain confidential.
All teachers were restrained and are now being held in government facilities where scientists are testing for a cure, while searching for the cause of this outbreak. The donut deliverer still remains unfound, and police are searching the area.
The VPD’s commissioner Simon Potts, advises all citizens to check their mail, cut down on donuts, and keep children home. Although all teachers were caught, seven children were murdered, and over sixty injured during the ambush. Remain cautious and report anything out of the ordinary.
Fake news reporter, Emelina C., grade 7, Tyee Elementary, Vancouver
Dog Eats Chocolate Causing Worldwide Emergency
The Sanders family had their house torn apart when their dog ate a single piece of Kit Kat. The chocolate caused the dog’s head to grow and grow without stopping. The family realized they were in danger once the dog’s head busted through the walls, making a horrible sound. It continued growing until it was above the clouds.
In the year that’s followed, there is now no one on the wrecked Earth other than the dog with the massive head. Some families and adults, including the Sanders, had managed to escape by creeping out of the house and running to a rocket ship that was getting ready to go to the moon.
“The moon is the new Earth,” said the father of the Sanders clan.
The single adults got married so they could spawn children, in order to have more people to live on the moon, or what is now referred to as New Earth. But in the meantime, the dog’s head has continued to grow so big that it has now lifted the body up to the moon, finally reuniting with his family.
Just recently, the Kit Kat chocolate piece inside the dog shrank and the dog’s shrank too. The Sander’s family were optimistic that they might now return to Earth except that their dog then ate a whole Oh Henry chocolate bar.
At last report, they were considering going to Mars.
Fake news reporter, Maeve S., grade 5, Tyee Elementary, Vancouver